i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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