I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
