My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize