is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
