I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
