Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
