The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
