I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
