no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
