What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
