maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize