Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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