"it" just moved
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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