Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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