also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
