He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
