Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
