my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
