I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize