His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
