If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
