i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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