so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Two words: nipple clamps
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