I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
