There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
