i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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