This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
