even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
