Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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