she smelled like a LAN party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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