He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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