I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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