It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
