when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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