So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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