she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
