i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
