Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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