He uses pillows to masturbate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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