You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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