I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
