shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
