he thought i was a dude.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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