I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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