We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
