I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
