there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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