Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
