the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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