im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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