I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
