i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
