I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
