gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
