if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
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Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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