You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
