Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
