I cockslap morals
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
