Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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