i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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