Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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