i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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