my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
