Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
