She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
