My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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