the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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