she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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