yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
