he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
