i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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