She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
