he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
